1. Nora refusing to get out of the car at the grocery store. Deciding to stand outside the car with my face pressed into the sunshine with my eyes closed listening to the thaw.
2. This is harder than I thought.
3. Split fingers that burn when submerged in the Murphy's Oil Soap, wringing clean. The hands that have found work on the wood floor worn to the soft grain beneath.
4. The stiffness of a curled, protective posture reminds that standing up to one's full height is not necessarily a sign of conceitedness.
5. Again, I'm struggling to name what it is from today that challenged my willingness to give thanks.
6. Being perpetually late to preschool no matter what time we wake up. Working through the negotiation of getting dressed. Patience and a reliance on understanding rather than time.
7. [ ]
8. Feeling so far behind on school work and wanting to do so much more than I'm doing. Learning that what I am allowed to do each day is God's portion-size for me. Still...I am thinking try harder. Try harder.
9. Finding so many books I'd like to read and knowing there is only a small amount of time to read them. I must be loving people instead.
Who is it that states my discomfort as a sign I am growing? He does. Who is it that brings me to the edge of routine to snap me into presence? He does.
I am putting the bags and bags of groceries away, thanking God for each thing slipped into place on the shelf where there was an absence before. I am rushing. I am worried I am not thankful, that I am greedy--all the bags of things to sustain us, but I could still be fine with less. Father, what would you like me to give away? What of this isn't mine? What have I stolen?
Do I love Him for what He gives me or do I love Him for who He is? I am pressed to the edge. And I know this is where He brings me.