I'm just going to say it: I'm tired. Today was rocky. Nora is moving into an intense tantrum phase and I feel so helpless: hurting, anxious, impatient, sad, worried, scared. I suppose that's how we both feel. And my mom had a rough day, too, and I don't like my mom to hurt. She's the sweetest person in the world, and the little girl in me wants to protect her completely. Remember that 6 month old baby sitting in a pickup with her behind the bar? Yeah, that's me protecting my 18 year old mom, and I still do it to this day.) And the van needed more work than I was suspecting. About twice as much work. And then the propane bill came. And the final paperwork that officially ends my marriage. And the muffin Nora was eating fell on the floor and she said it would be fine to eat, and I said, "Well. Okay." I was holding her and heard something crunch in her teeth like a screw trapped in a vacuum. "What was that?" Continuing to chew Nora calmly states, "That was just the muffin."
Oh, Lord. I wish I had a bathtub in this house.
Is it giving in to state how difficult it gets some days? Is this just self-pity or is it okay to occasionally admit that sometimes it actually does get me down a little bit? Don't get me wrong; I still firmly place my life and all that it contains in the hand that made me, and I trust completely that this hand knows my limits and knows the kind of weather I need in order to learn how to endure. So, it's okay sometimes to cry along with it, yeah?
Well, thanks for listening friends. Believe me, your words make for one powerful umbrella when the rain starts to come down.
And, Mom, I love you.
It's okay to cry. God never promises that it'll be easy, but He never condemned tears.
ReplyDeleteAnd those tears show how much you care. That's a powerful thing.
Praying for you, my dear friend. Love and peace.
Yes. Cry. Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. (Psalm 126:5).
ReplyDeletePraying for you, friend!
The bottle of wine remains unopened. I ate a bowl of cereal instead. I will write "for neighbors only" on the bottle. "Be still and Know that I am God" is what I say over and over on days when all is falling apart. It's the only thing we can cling to sometimes. Peace.
ReplyDeleteCrying is necessary sometimes. For me, some days, it's the only way to wordlessly release the flood of emotions, stress, worry, and everything else that's within me. Crying is kind of like praying without words, like Paul writes about in Romans: "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:26-28)
ReplyDeleteI am and will be praying for you.
i'm just me, but i think you're always allowed to cry on rough days.
ReplyDeleteyou are strong and you are lovely.
sending hugs from MN...