1. It's happened before, so I should have been prepared for it. A little backstory: Nora still uses a pacifier at night to fall asleep. It took bribery to get her off it during the day. We're working on it. I mean, I smoked for almost 12 years. I understand. So, tonight while going potty after reading stories, Nora leaned over, flushed and there it went, spinning, spinning--gone. We both screamed. That was the last one in the house. It's 8:30. I'm not driving to Walmart. I'm wearing my fat pants and my hair is...bad. The next two hours were like a scene from that movie
The Golden Arm with Frank Sinatra. I finally had to rock her to sleep, standing. Nora weighs 55 pounds and I had dug and flung shovel after shovel of compost across the garden today, so I was already...arm weary. But this was worth it. She still looks like my baby. And even as I write this, she is waking and crying, "I want a chicken." It might be a long night.
2. She also spent quite a bit of time today wanting to catch a platypus. I'm having a hard time breaking things to her lately. "Nora, the platypus is a native of Australia. We won't find one out there." "Nora, eggs from the fridge don't hatch." "Nora, your belief astounds me. But there are some things that just won't happen." Should I tell her not to try? Should I encourage her? Distract her with a less outrageous project? She just believes with all her heart, and I feel like I break it with all my "reality" and "rules." Here she is in her platypus hunting outfit:
What would I want to be told? I don't even know how to answer that tonight. If someone supported me wholeheartedly, and I found out later that she knew it couldn't happen, would I be mad?
3. The dirt is ready for planting, but I'm a little tired. I am hitting that moment at the end of a hard push when your body kind of gives out and you know you should just rest, but you don't know how to do that exactly. So, the cold lingers, God's way of slowing me down. But the planning still happens, the soul urges the muscle. Seed depth. Row spacing. Early and late crops. Crop rotation. Rows running north to south to catch the full arc of the sun swinging east to west.
4. Everyone needs a place to dream and write.
I love being a mother with all my heart! It is also the hardest thing I have ever done and I try not to make any mistakes, but I know that I will, and have. The hardest lesson I had to learn was to forgive myself; that I'm not perfect and don't have all the answers. I'm learning as I go and my children teach me so much:) You're doing a wonderful job Lisa! Look at the smile on your daughters lips in every photo, the creativity that she has and the encouragement and support you give her in finding her own answers. I applaud you:)))))
ReplyDeleteI understand the tiredness. I haven't been napping much lately, but I did on Saturday, for nearly 2 hours.
ReplyDeleteAs wise as she is, Nora is still a little girl and some things are still hard to understand. I feel exactly that way myself sometimes. She will eventually figure out that platypi (did I spell that right?) only live in Australia. She has a vivid imagination, and that's--usually--a good thing. :)
You can do it.
Love :)
I remember the loss of the pacifier right before bedtime and the crazy run to Walgreen to get one. You're a strong lady for making it through the night. I was sick once and I even asked my neighbor to go to Kmart to buy pacifiers for me to sooth my crying child.
ReplyDeleteYOu're a gem and she's a gem and letting her down about the lack of platypus in Eastern Nebraska won't change that.