"Stop the music. Norm. Stop the music."
Jolene is yelling into the karaoke mic
while Norm fumbles for the "Stop" button.
"Okay. Listen up folks.
I haven't been to a bar in over 4 years.
To be honest, I wasn't planning
on stepping foot in one for at least another 4.
But here I am because Marge said
I needed to get out of the house,
and so I got out of the house. So here I am.
And rather than sit around here all night
trying to make eye contact
and figure out whether or not
you aren't wearing a ring because you're single
or you just like to act like you are,
I'm going to just make this announcement
to everyone. First of all,
I'm not interested in a fixer-upper,
so if you need work, find someone with a hammer.
I'm not looking for a good time.
And I'm definitely not looking for a bad time.
But if you fall somewhere in between
those two fence posts and you know how to pick
yourself up and you're interested in talking
to a fellow sister in Christ, then I'd lend you my ear.
And in time, if your ear is good at listening
and your mouth is good at telling the truth,
then let's see about meeting somewhere
at the end of an aisle that God built
where we can agree to a set of fairly simple terms.
It's then and only then that you'll find out
whether or not this girl hangs her sheets out
on the line to dry and if she can make an omelette.
Okay, Norm. You can start it again."