Watch that sun set and walk around the house and notice the weeds and flowers are all doing just fine and know you are as prepared as you can be, sweetheart, for everything, because He said He'd carry you, and He will. Sometimes I watch you staying up too late or waking too early trying to "get it right" or "make sure you know enough" to do what the day requires, but did you know that you've got everything you need when you look out and you see those around you not as something to be afraid of but as people who all need a little love? So get out of your way and open up that hand and that heart and get on with your work, lady, because these few days of belly-aching and feeling sorry for yourself are a chance for you to approach this issue aggressively, gently, with courage.
What's the issue?: Ah, you know. Just your basic fearworrydoubtanxiety thing, that creepy-crawly life sucking bindweed. Makes me want to be perfect because it knows how much I want that, out of my own EFFORT. Oh, good grief. Give your best, surely, but mercy me, if you keep up with this thinking you have to know it all or do it perfectly or that you can't make a fool of yourself then you have a lot of lessons coming your way, honey. Listen. Whatever you've got, give it. Unashamed. I mean, let it go. What are you so afraid of? Being laughed at. Heck, you've been through that. Easy as pie.
A lady flipped me off today while I was driving because I went the speed limit and slowed down for a bus that had stopped. She wanted to ride in my trunk. I could have taken it personally. An older version of myself would have thought about my driving for a good 2 hours. But, whatever.
Whatever, lady. Whatever to you in your car. I pray you feel better soon. I've been there before, so caught up in it all that all I can see is how other people are in my way. I've been there. I've used that finger before. Yeah. I have. And, sugar, that ain't the answer. Not always. Not ever, right? I mean, there's whatever and then there's the other angrier whatever, which just seems to cut someone off rather than set you free.
And I want to be free. And this isn't perfect, and this is just right.
We get in our head thinking if we stay there long enough the tangled ball of twine will start to right itself. We get in our head and we lose sight of the light that'll get us out and pretty soon we're breathing heavy and pretty soon we're feeling trapped and it takes a lot of work and courage to get out of heads and be out there instead. You've got that courage. You see out and out and beyond to that big open space where your farmgirl heart belongs. I'll meet you there.
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