What I was thinking while reading seed catalogs:

"No way.  I'm not trying Brussel sprouts again.  What do I look like?  A grasshopper restaurant?"

"Ooooo.  Square tomato cages.  150% more growing room.  I wonder what would happen if I climbed inside one of these babies for a few months..."

"Now THAT is one morbid looking flower."

"That Swiss chard I planted last year was gross.  They're right though:  It was easy to grow.  And really hard to kill."

"I love yellow pear tomatoes.  I just love them.  I love you, yellow pear tomatoes.  Did you hear me?"

"Soybean.  Corn.  Both of them are going in my garden this year.  And, you know what?   I'm going to do it without the use of a single tractor.  Take THAT, Nebraska!"

"Beets.  Yuck.  Who eats beets?  Do you eat beets?  Of course not."

"I loved how those lemon cucumbers tasted, but they cross-pollinated with my green cucumbers and turned them a really weird color and I really want to make some normal looking pickles this year.  What to do...what to do...Hey!  Maybe instead of a scarecrow in the garden, I could have a chaperone!"  

"I consider myself a pretty open-minded gardener, but I draw the line at blue potatoes.  I don't even think blue is edible."

"Have you ever noticed how these catalogs put little kids next to gigantic vegetables?  I wonder how little these kids really are.  Those pumpkins might actually only be 3 or 4 inches in diameter.  I'm just saying..."

"Rutabagas?  Do you get good gas mileage with those?"

"The names of these flowers sound like some of the first bands I was in:  Dancing Stars.  Snow Lady.  Primadonna Deep Rose.  Mammoth Russian."

"Buttercrunch lettuce?  Did you just put the words 'butter' and 'crunch' together?  Burpee, you are a genius."