1. A fairly long Bible study yesterday morning brought me finally, after writing three pages of...stuff...to the heart of my prayer: God. Who are you? Seeing through a glass darkly has found me stumbling around asking if I've done the right thing here and there and everywhere. Would Jesus, as The Visual Bible movie portrays Him, come over and mess up my hair and give me a kiss on the forehead like I do with Nora? Silly kid...all worry...no faith...LIGHTen up...
When I think of Christ, I see His suffering. I imagine Him worrying Himself sick over all those in need of help, nauseated by our consumerism, angry...
Where did this image of God come from? This angry, judging, disciplining, disappointed God...
Somehow I got confused, thinking that how I see myself...that this must be how He sees me, too...
I don't know what else to say at this point, but these are honest words in search of a loving home...in Him, the All-Loving, All-Giving, All-Taking love of my life.
It is through Him that I know how to treat YOU, and that means everyone. Let there be peace. Let us forgive each other. Let us learn to love our enemies, not as a sort of "gift" we give to them because of our superiority but the Creator's gift shared between us. Beloved, let us love one another.
Share. Show mercy. Define your borders beyond your country, beyond your house, beyond your self. Do not define your borders at all.
2. And I will lean on praise, not perfection:
For the slow cooked vegetable beef stew and how Nora ate so well today.
For this warm, Christmas lighted house, the smell of a woman's locally made rose candle in the background.
For my Mom's love and how she read me so many books as a kid. This basically defined my future for me or allowed me to grow into the kind of animal/vegetable/miracle that I am. I'd also love to get a bumper sticker that says something like, "Hold each other. Read to each other."
For dancing in Nora's room and how she throws up her arms and stomps her feet and looks so serious because she is. She's serious about...not holding back.
For every chance we have to be Christ extending our hands to those who need a word, a hug, a sign, a miracle, a meal, a home, a kiss, a lesson, a suggestion, a cup of cold water, shoes, a job, a bed, a friend, healing, someone to be there as we approach our passing, and bless all of you who have and will do these things.
May I leave this life with messed up hair and a kiss on the forehead and the words that I long to hear: Well done, good and faithful servant.