Tomorrow Nora will be heading to her dad's to begin a four day trip to Louisiana. I've always had a hard time with separation anxiety. Yeah, I know... When I dropped Nora off at preschool the first time, I was the one crying, hanging onto the door refusing to leave. So this is kind of a big deal for me. And for her, too. I'm excited for her, for this adventure, for the time to see so many people who love her. It's good.
And I've prayed for her safety and thanked God for listening. And there is nothing more that can be done than to be sure to pack a few snacks and send her with all my love and excitement for her.
As for me, well...
I'm sure many of you can relate to the "scary silence" of a moment to yourself. Most moms don't get this time unless they stay up until 1 AM reading, watching TV, canning...
And I wonder what makes me more nervous: Nora traveling or being by myself. Will I be sad? Scared? Anxious? Will I get anything done? Will I eat too much? Sleep? Not sleep?
I hear one version of motherhood saying, "Hey, no biggie. Four days. That's nothing. Maybe you can finally clean behind the oven, maybe write a book or something. You'll be fine..."
And the other: "I can make it. I can make it." And this version is pacing and staring at the clock and marking big X's over the days as they go by.
I know it's not healthy to live for someone else. At the same time, I'm a mom. If you look in the job description, it states in no uncertain terms that you will be "living for someone else." This is the "put others before yourself" boot camp. This is where God teaches you how to be number two in your life for once.
So, maybe I'm a little nervous about what all that time will feel like after five years (and nine months) of being with her everyday. I guess I'll just do it and find out. And try to remember to:
Approach this time as a gift and Nora's travel as a gift.
Get some stuff done.
Grapple with that lesson, the one Jesus has to teach me continually. Don't worry. Have faith.
I've said it once and I'll say it again: This mom business is not for wimps.
(And I appreciate any prayers you want to throw this way for Nora's safe travels!)