Sunday, May 20, 2012

I Couldn't Begin to Explain But I Will Begin Anyway

Some moments are not ready for words because they are too full of meaning.  I am inside one of these moments, unfolding bloom.  This rose does not cower in the hand of the other, does not want to exaggerate thorns or talk of its own beauty, which is not of its own doing anyway.  He invites the rose to become the rose.  Isn't this the only way to love each other?

The light of the stars passes through an inner space before becoming the thought "star."  And this inner space is lit where we disappear in that white vastness.  Our constellations map the transfer of love into love into love; the boundaries dissolve me.  I wander through your spaces stunned and awoken, a "self" who is no longer herself but a moment of grace upon the unforgiving surface of a life that seemed too hard.  My feet sink into the grass as I walk.

There are dreams of the beloved and a bed with two apples and two eggs: awareness and the harvest.  Incubation and new life.  We are learning autonomy and connection.  Does the space between you and your beloved fill with silent thoughts of kindness toward the other?  Good.  This is good.

How we learn to love each other:  a boy.  A girl.  A radio.

Music plays into the very latest point of the evening, and we go wandering through the orchard, necks tilted back, mouth open, drinking small points of light with our eyes.

I am not afraid of the dark out here.  The storm has passed.  The wet grass soaks my shoes and the bottom part of my pant legs.  I wear my puffy black coat, carry Nora's princess flashlight.  From above, I must look like a tiny point of light, too.

The long lines of cedar trees running north to south are dark territories filled with marrowless branches, poisonous mushrooms, the bones of dead animals.  I consider the idea of fear.  It sits feeble and anemic in the hand of such abundant Love.  These dark, lost regions of our lives are fertile and terrifying.  I have taken a shovel into these woods.  So have you.

I hear:  Child, will you allow yourself to become lost in order to experience the hand that reaches strong and steady into your life, inviting?  Are you brave like that?

I knew you were.

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