1. So, it feels weird to be writing so openly in a blog, and I am finding it interesting what I decide to publish and what I keep private. It's exposing all sorts of aspects of my person--the egoist, the sinner, the show-off, the self-hater. It is harder than I thought to write an honest word, one that helps rather than destroys. (I consider deleting this paragraph because I start so many sentences with "it" and because I wonder...I need to stop wondering. Start wandering. Curriculum means "journey." I learned this talking to someone today about "Edgar Poe." How strange that sounds, though it is technically correct.)
2. (And already I can hear Him calling me away from all this "I". Yes, there is Light and there is The Word and now let's talk about what words are made of--breath and spirit combined in sound. Muscle of hand connected to the head of all things traces a thought on the white light page. Like my good friend under that cathedral there--it's so simple and so complex--the architecture of light, the space of the word contained in our heart, in the heart of the world that continues to call us out of this world and into that heart that is the wor(l)d beyond, within, beyond...I am not sure. Despite this lack of clarity in me, I still know.)
3. Tonight: While walking through campus like a hungry baby bird with my head tilted to the sky and the moon and the trees, I understand this is not the climate of the earth. I realize I am weaving, and wonder if I will be mistaken for a drunk or a poet or a baby bird. The breeze comes from another planet, one with our summer's warmth smelling of the browns and yellows of autumn's decay and rust. The combination was disorienting. I duck inside the building but secretly want to explore this new planet until very early in the morning.
4. For the Word He gives me to wear: an armor, a shield, a sword. HOLD THE LINE. HOLD THE LINE. HOLD THE LINE. For the love of God. Hold the line. (A line held in my heart. A memorized muscle.)
5. So many encouraging notes and conversations. May the love He gave me find a way back to those friends.
I Love You Lisa you are a beautiful light
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This is lovely...Hold the line...yes, less poetically, I think of this as keeping a spiritual placeholder. It seems normal to wander and get lost in the illusions of the world and then to suddenly awaken again and return to what we know to be the truth. I am trying to hold the line for longer and longer periods so I don't have to experience pain in order to awaken again.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts with all of us. They paint pictures and they help. By the way, I think I found some horses that need riding...
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